Titanic/Captain, Captain, Captain | Skits

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Titanic/Captain, Captain, Captain

I remember this skit from summer camp one year, and of course with all scout skits the performers put their own little twist on this one. I don't remember the exact script word-for word, and the details are a bit muddy given that this was from several years ago.

Characters:

Actor 1/Captain

Actor 2/First Mate

Camera Man

Narrator

Narrator: We are here on the set of the movie "Titanic", shooting the last scene of the film where the ship is sinking. Let's watch and see what happens.

Scene one

Actor 1/Captain: So, what I want you to do for this scene is to rush in and say "Captain" 3 times. Got it?

Actor 2/First Mate: Okay.

(Actor 2 walks offstage)

Actor 1: (to Camera Man) Camera Man, are you ready?

Camera Man We're rolling.

Actor 1: And... Action!

First Mate: (Runs onstage) "Captain three times!"

Actor 1: Cut! No, you're supposed to say "Captain Captain Captain!", not "Captain 3 times". Then when I answer, you say "we're sinking".

Actor 2: Okay, got it.

Actor 1: Let's try that again. Ready, Camera Man?

Camera Man: Okay.

Actor 1: And... Action!

First Mate:" (while rushing in) "Captain, Captain, Captain!"

Captain: "What's going on?"

First Mate: "We're STINKING!"

Actor 1: Cut! No, no, you're supposed to say "we're sinking". Then when I ask what we hit, you say "an iceberg!"

Actor 2: Got it.

Actor 1: Just go back and try it again.

Actor 2: Okay.

Actor 1: Ready?... And...Action!

First Mate: (while rushing in) "Captain, Captain, Captain!"

Captain: "What is it?"

First Mate: "We're sinking!"

Captain: "What did we hit?"

First Mate: "We hit an ice CUBE!"

Actor 1: Cut! No, no, its not "we hit an ice cube", it's "We've hit an IceBERG".

Actor 2: Oh, okay... its IceBERG, not ice CUBE.

Actor 1: Exactly. Then when I ask you how fast we were going, you say, "a hundred nautical miles".

Actor 2: Got it.

Actor 1: Let's try the scene again. Camera man, you still rolling?

Camera Man: Yup.

Actor 1: Okay, and... Action!

First Mate: (while rushing in) "Captain, Captain, Captain!"

Captain: "What is it?"

First Mate: "We're sinking!"

Captain: "What did we hit?"

First Mate: "We've hit an iceBERG!"

Captain: How fast were we going?

First Mate: "A hundred naked models!"

(Pandemonium happens as everyone shouts, "WHERE?!" repeatedly...)

Actor 1: Okay, cut cut, CUT!

Actor 2: Wha.. what's wrong?

Actor 1: You don't say, "a hundred"... whatever you said, it's "a hundred nautical miles". Then when I ask you what direction we were going, you say, "due west".

Actor 2: Oh, okay.

Actor 1: Alright, let's try this again...

Camera Man: We're ready.

Actor 1: And... Action!

First Mate: (while rushing in) "Captain, Captain, Captain!"

Captain: "What is it?"

First Mate: "We're sinking!"

Captain: "What did we hit?"

First Mate: "We've hit an iceBERG!"

Captain: "How fast were we going?"

First Mate: "A hundred nautical miles!"

Captain: "What direction were we going?"

First Mate: "Straight down!"

Actor 1: "We should..." wait, cut, cut!

Actor 2: What happened?

Actor 1: We're going due west, not straight down!

Actor 2: Oh, sorry... I can do the scene again...

Actor 1: You know what, let's just... let's break for lunch and try the scene again later.

Actor 2: Alright then.

Actor 1: (to Cameraman) Hey, Camera Man, did you at least get all the other takes?

Cameraman: Actually, um, I wasn't recording...

Actor 1: Dang!

Download (captain2.txt)

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